i may or may not be watching the land before time
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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