dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
