I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize