Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
