shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
