Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
