Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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