If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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