Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
