I'm gonna have a badass scar
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The adults are the big ones right?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
