i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
