my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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