I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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