Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
