Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
