went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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