well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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