I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize