things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
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