Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
