I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
