There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
