Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
