my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
