I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
