recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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