part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
