shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I skipped work to stalk him.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
