Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize