I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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