would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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