Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
