He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
