i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we made out on top of his cat.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize