margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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