Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
