This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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