So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
