I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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