Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
