I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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