I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
