Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
