your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
