someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
