Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
