I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
