I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
