you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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