I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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