Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
