i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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