remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think my mom watched the whole time
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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