we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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