i jhust puked up my retainher.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
