what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
