How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
