After last night, I could never be a politician.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
