me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
