When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
