whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
