Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
