Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
