don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
