I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
