So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Randomize
