I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
