I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
